I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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