I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
