Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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