Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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