I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
