Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
