They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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