Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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