You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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