I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
