I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
