The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
