what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
