last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
