Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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