I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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