I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
