Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
