with your own penis?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
