wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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