My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
