I wish I could punch you in the face.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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