jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have demons in me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
