I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
