nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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