i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
