Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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