just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
