hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
