I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
