I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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