i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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