Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We got so high we made milksteak
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize