I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
