she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
