shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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