whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
