My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize