I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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