I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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