my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
