I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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