Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
