So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
