she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
