Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
