You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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