Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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