Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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