Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
