He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
