so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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