The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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