so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
