You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
