i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize