How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
