We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
