dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
