I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
