first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
