Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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