so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
