If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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